Once we had a life unbroken
by Clownfood
Summary: I don't think you CAN love, Severus' Lucius smiled' Sev and Lilys friendship is becomming more difficult to maintain. But Lily still sees a friend in him, but was does Sev se in her? Random insights in their school years, starting with the yule ball.
1. Do you till remember

Note; I own nothing, JK Rowling owns everything, including you!

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1.1 DO YOU STILL REMEMBER...

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He was so absorbed with making notes in his edition of "Advanced potions" (sixth years addition, he was already almost a year ahead of his class) that he didn't notice her until she dropped down heavily next to him in the sofa, making him almost spill ink over his notes.

"If the Irma catches you writing in a book she'll ban you from the library you know" Lily said.

"It's my book, although she will probably throw me out, out of principle" Severus replied, not quite coming across as annoyed as he would have liked to sound. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to look for you!" Lily replied, cheer-full as always "This was the first place I looked, you know, you're quite predictable!" she buffed him on the shoulder, causing him to drip ink unto the notes he was still making "Spending Saturday afternoon in the library. Seriously, Sev!"

"I thought you'd be in Hogsmeade for the rest of the evening?" Severus said, still refusing to look up from his book, which he was basically doubled over.

"Yeah, I thought so too, but it didn't… quite work out like that"

The change of tone finally got Severus to look up at her, peering at her from underneath a curtain black hair.

"Why?" he asked.

"Oh, I got bored of the company" Lily replied casually, but now it was her turn to look away.

Severus straightened himself where he sat (he was considerably taller then her). He didn't say anything, he just looked at Lily with intense black eyes, waiting. Lily looked over at him quickly, a flash of bright green meeting his gaze, then se sighted, quietly.

"I broke up with Thomas"

A strange flood of emotions erupted within Severus, like a dam had broken, it flowed trough him. Happiness (because he'd never liked that stuck-up Ravenclaw), anger (because someone hurt Lily), happiness again, fear (because Lily looked really sad now and he wouldn't be able to handle her crying), then anger again, and so on. But he didn't reveal any of it in his expression.

And she didn't cry. Lily wasn't the type of girl to cry. But she held his gaze for a moment, and then turned away quickly, looking up out of one of the high windows, which revealed a clear-blue sky. He wasn't sure what to say next, he was good at reading people. But Lily was different. He couldn't quite tell if she wanted to talk about it or not. Thomas and Lily had been going out almost a year, and everyone (except Severus) always complimented them on being such a perfect couple, the lively Gryffindor-girl and the brilliant, well-spoken Ravenclaw. Not that Lily wasn't brilliant.

"At least he will no longer follow you and correct your grammar"

Lily laughed.

"Yeah, that was so annoying! Like, he always said I say 'like' like too much!"

"And that abnormally self-loving way in which he referred to himself and his so called intellect" Severus continued, tilting his head up and looking down his nose at Lily with an imitation of Thomas pitying smile. Lily laughed harder.

"Not like you don't do that to people, Sev!"

"The clear difference being that I am brilliant, and he just thinks he is" Severus snorted.

"And you don't smile" Lily noted.

"And" he continued, ignoring her inpass "I do not refer to you as 'my precious little flower'"

Lily made a face of pure disgust at the mentioning of Thomas nick-name for her.

"Oh by Merlin, it feels so good knowing no one will ever call me that again!" she exclaimed "Do you know he actually _introduced_ me as that to his _friends_? Made me want to be named after, like, a ferret or something! Anything but a flower!"

"My precious little ferret" Severus mused.

Lily laughed so hard that Irma, the librarian peeked, her head out from several rows of bookshelves away to hush at her. Lily made an excusing gesture and suffocated her laughter into a continuing snicker. Her eyes teared up and she once again buffed Severus shoulder, and he gave her what she recognized as a slight smile, but which anyone else who didn't know him wouldn't even have noticed as anything else then a twitch in his stony exterior.

"You didn't like him very much, did you?" she said, when she finally stopped giggling.

"I do not recall making any secret of my feelings towards Mr. Brooks" he replied, pushing a black strain of hair out of his face.

"No, you clearly didn't" she smiled.

Silence settled between them as Lily once again stared out the window, and Severus spend several moments watching the sun play in her radiant hair.

"Would you like me to poison him?" he asked when Lily turned back to him. She laughed at his completely serious face.

"I can't believe you can say such things in such a casual tone" she smiled.

Severus didn't bother to point out that he wasn't completely joking.

"You don't happen to have something that would give him, like, spontaneous vomiting or anything like that?"

But before Severus had a chance of suggesting Arabella root, which might have been just as well, Lily continued; "Oh but it wouldn't be fair. After all, I broke up with him. And in front of several of his friends as well! So I guess I'm like the bad guy"

"It was hardly uncalled for, I assume?"

"No" Lily sighted "It's actually been brewing for several weeks now. Like, I don't like the way he seems to take me for granted all the time. Like I should always be there on his arm, like an ornament or something. A pretty accessory"

Severus started to mull over what other roots and extracts he could get his hands on which would have a highly unpleasant effect on Mr. Brooks metabolism.

"And in conversations, when we would like be with others from Ravenclaw, he would _hush_ me! And then he would smile at them like 'Oh she's so pretty but boy does she say stupid things'"

He could think of several good poisons he knew, and witch wouldn't take long to make. He could in fact probably have one ready by tomorrow evening, if he could swipe some veera leaves.

"You are not stupid, Lily" he said while measuring the amount of Almund extract he would need in his head "In fact, you are brilliant"

"He sure didn't make me feel that way"

"Anyone who makes you feel anything but brilliant and beautiful is nothing more then a moron not worthy of your attention, and certainly not of your heart" Severus said, his black eyes burning. Lily actually blushed a little, he noticed, and he immediately regretted his lack of self-control.

"You should be a poet, Sev, they way you speak" she smiled, and added in a lower tone "And I like that you put brilliant before beautiful"

Severus diffidently classified this feeling as regret for his sudden outburst and bent over his book again, letting his hair fall down to cover his face.

"Well, you are better off without him" he muttered, wanting to divert the subject back to the question at hand and away form his future career in litterateur.

"Yeah, you're right" she sighted and leaned back into the soft cushions of the sofa "He's an ass"

Severus didn't bother with replying, as his agreement was obvious. Instead he picked up his quill and continued crossing out sections of his book and scribbeling new methods in the marginal. They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't an unpleasant silence. Lily continued watching the sky, where an owl was soaring away for the castle.

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Note; Chapter one was so long, I split it into two so that would be readable. Continuing in 1.2 


	2. Every whispered word?

**Note;** Fist Chapter was so long, I decided to split it into two parts. This is the second one (DUH!)

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1.2 ... EVERY WHISPERED WORD?

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There was no sound in the library except for the rasping of Severus quill, and the far-off footsteps of the librarian. Everyone else was in Hogsmeade or outside, enjoying the nice December weather. She cast a glance at back of Severus head and smiled. She'd always told him he shouldn't sit like that when he read, that it would hurt his back. When they were younger, she's used to try and scare him out of it by telling him he wouldn't grow at all if he was bent over books all the time. Obviously, he'd proven her wrong. He'd become quite tall, which just gave her more ammunition when it came to the back-problem argument. The taller he got, the more he'd have to bend his back to read the way he did. 

"You know…" she started but he interrupted her.

"I assure you Lily that my back is fine and will so remain no matter how I read"

She laughed quietly and smiled at his turned away face.

Then anger flooded over her again as she thought about what Thomas had said at the pub today, that straw that had broken the camels back. That she should think about how she _presented_ herself. That it wasn't appropriate for a lady such as her to have _certain_ friends. She'd smacked him right in the face in front of all those people (very un-lady like, she assumed) and calmly told him that it wasn't appropriate for a friend such as her to have a boyfriend such as him. And then she'd left.

Alright, so at one point she had loved Thomas, but that had passed. She wasn't even that sad, although she was sure she was going to pay for the way she dumped him, he was very popular, especially in Ravenclaw, but she didn't mind. He hadn't just referred to Severus, but also to Remus, Hagrid the half-giant which was the new grounds-keeper and whom Lily really liked, and several other of her friends that wasn't cool enough for him. Of cause, Severus had been the main problem for Thomas. He could accept anyone, but a Slytherin.

Lily watched Severus as he turned several pages, obviously looking for something. Alright, so their relationship hadn't always been perfect. Severus could be both cruel and cold at times, and she couldn't deny that his fascination for the Dark Arts did bother her. There had been several times when they hadn't spoken for weeks, but somehow, they always managed to find their way back to each other. And she felt, that in a crisis, small (as this one) or big, she could trust him to be there for her. Sure, he'd made mistakes, but so had she. And both of them would indubitably make more on the future. He wasn't perfect, but neither was Lily. And sometimes he felt like the only true friend she had.

She suppressed and urge to reach out and touch him. He wasn't someone you touched. He was too resigned for that. But it was almost as he had felt her impulse, because he turned his head and looked at her, with one raised eye-brow.

"Lily?"

"Ah, no, it's nothing, I was just thinking" she said, with a wave of her hand.

"About?" he sat up again, slightly stretching his back. Lily was sure he did it without thinking about it.

"The Yule Ball" she said in a casual tone, not wishing to tell Severus the true reason why she and Thomas had broken up today "I have no idea what to wear! Do you know what you'll wear?"

"First of all, what to wear to a dance is hardly something I would loose sleep over and secondly" he said without looking at her "it is quite irrelevant, since I'm not going"

"What? But you have to!" Lily exclaimed.

"I don't have to do anything of the sort" Severus answered coldly.

"Well if you're not going, I'm not going either!" Lily said and sat back hard unto the sofa, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

Severus looked at her puzzled and realised she was pouting.

"Why not?" he asked, and for once, his voice betrayed his confusion.

"You know for someone so brilliant you're extremely stupid!" Lily bit at the question.

In any other occasion, Severus would not stand for being called stupid, but at this moment, he was beginning to think he might be just that. He couldn't for the life of him understand why Lily was so upset. He didn't say anything, he couldn't think of anything. Lily met his eyes.

"I won't go if you won't go because _I thought_ we were going _together_!"

Lily turning down Thomas to go with Severus (Thomas had of cause already assumed that Lily would go with him and not ever bothered to ask her) had been the staring point of the argument of how Lily presented herself.

Severus was completely taken aback, and his confused face didn't seem to lighten Lily's mood.

"When was such an arrangement made?" he said, his voice higher then he had intended.

"It's been made for like ages!" Lily replied, still angry "Back in first year, when you told be about the ball the first time, then we decided we would go together!"

"How can you remember such a thing?!" Severus exclaimed.

"How can you forget?!" Lily bit back and once again the librarian peeked her head out to angrily hush them both.

They stared at each other, flashing green meeting for once uncertain black. Severus was sitting up straight and Lily was still pouting. Then Severus slowly shook his head.

"There must be someone else you'd rather be going with" he said.

"Really?" she said coldly "I can't think of anyone, but if you have any suggestions …?"

"There must be a hundred students in this school which would be much more appropriate…" he began but she cut him of with one look from her sparkling green eyes.

"If you finish that sentence, Severus Snape, I'm going to have to slap you"

Again silence fell between them. Severus actually bit his lower lip. Lily wasn't sure if it was to keep himself quiet of if he was thinking. She'd never see him do it before.

Then he reached out and took a hold of one of her wrists, pulling on of her arms loose from the tight grip around his chest, and he took her hand in his. His hands were cold, she noted.

"Lily" he said, and met her gaze, again with the expressionless face she was used to "Would you like to go to the Yule ball with me?"

"Yes, Severus, I would" She smiled, and then added "You ninny"

And he actually smiled back at her as he let go of her hand.

"So" Lily continued in a conversational tone "What _are_ you wearing?"

"Oh Merlin" Severus sighted and actually looked slightly unhappy, brushing hair out of his face "I have no idea!"

Lily laughed.

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**AUTHORS NOTES (I love these)** ; Wow, this was supposed to be a short one-shot but I got really in to it! I'm already working on a second chapter (not as long as this one though) where Sev is confronted by Lucius. This is supposed to be short flickers of different events that took place during Severus and Lilys time at Hogwarts, including who taught Severus Occlumensy and why, the friendship between Severus and Nacissa, Lupins guilt for not controlling his friends and so on as I go along. 

This is my first HP-fic, and I tried my best mimicking the way Severus speaks. Although I might have gone a little over-board with it.

Hope you liked it! And if you read this far, place a review!


	3. What you own

**Note;** I own nothing!

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WHAT YOU OWN

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"I head the most peculiar rumour today" Lucius Malfoy said as he sat himself down in an antique elegant armchair on the opposite side of the heavy mahogany table by which Severus was reading by the light of the fire in the Slytherin common-room. He actually looked up from the book he was reading and acknowledged Lucius presence. He was one of the few people which Severus would to this honour. But he didn't respond to Lucius comment, he merely looked at him, with one finger on the passage which he was reading.

"I was most astonished by it" Lucius continued, a slight smile playing on his pale lips as he looked at Severus with cold, grey eyes. He still didn't respond, instead he waited for Lucius to make his point, which he didn't seem in a hurry to do. Severus was used to Lucius way of making everything dramatic. He didn't much care for it. He knew perfectly well the point Lucius was waiting to make, and stalling it only meant wasting time.

"I heard" Lucius continued, since Severus didn't respond (not that he had expected him to), "That you are taking that Evans-girl to the Yule Ball? And here I was under the impression that you weren't going?"

"So was I, but I was obviously wrong" Severus replied.

"So it doesn't bother you" Lucius continued, still smiling "That the first thing she does after making a surely unworthy display of herself in public and breaking up with that strapping Ravenclaw" Severus snorted at the definition of Thomas "Is to come running to you, insisting for you to take her to a dace?"

"No, Lucius" Severus answered cooly "It does not bother me half as much as being interrupted while trying to study"

"Why I would think nothing would bother you more then that, Severus" Lucius answered with a handsome, but still cold, smile "I am merely expressing my concern for you, my friend"

"And though I am not ungrateful for that concern, Lucius," Severus replied "I must ask what that might be?"

Lucius leaned forward over the table, his long, white-blonde hair brushing the dark mahogany.

"That concern being" he said, in a lower tone as if to tell a secret "That you are being used by that woman. Manipulated, if you wish"

Severus answered Lucius with a cold grin, the only type of smile he used with anyone but Lily.

"I assure you, Lucius, you need not worry for me"

"Oh, but I can not help it" the blonde smiled.

"It must me your warm and caring nature" Severus grinned back.

"It must be" Lucius sat back into the chair again, seating himself more comfortably.

Silence fell between them as Lucius studied the flames in the fireplace and Severus took up his reading. He'd almost finished the chapter when Lucius spoke again.

"So, what are you wearing to this ball?"

"What is this obsession with clothes all of a sudden?" Severus exclaimed, his head snapping up.

"So you have nothing, then?" Lucius smiled at him again.

"Nothing at all" Severus sighted.

"Well, seeing how I am such a warm and caring person" Lucius started his smile widening "You can borrow one of my old dress-robes if you like. I had a new one made for the occasion anyway. And my old ones should suit you, we are about the same height, I would think"

"And since we are such good friends" Severus said "I am sure there is something I can do for you in return?"

"Well, if a Slytherin is going with a Gryffindor" Lucius spit out the word "We might as well make him look presentable. I am merely thinking of what is best for our house. We have an image to maintain Severus, one that we should honour"

Being both half-blood and poor to match Severus was well aware that he didn't fit in to this ideal.

"But since you so gracefully offered" Lucius continued "You may do my essay on the founding of Wizengamont for me"

"I will do half of it"

"You are going to look funny with only half a dress robe" Lucius mused.

"Fine then, I will do everything but the conclusion" Severus resigned "You are intelligent enough to formulate that on your own"

"I am intelligent, good-looking and well formulated" Lucius laughed "But I am also helplessly found of having my afternoons off. Now, I wonder what we can do about your hair…"

"What is wrong with...?"

"Oh please Severus" Lucius rolled his eyes "Even you must pass a mirror now and then!"

"I see your point"

"You must be blind not to"

"Thank you, Lucius"

"Anytime, my friend"

They stared at each other for a moment, black meeting steel gray, Lucius still smiling that charming smile of his. They were friends, he and Lucius, although it might not always seem that way. Lucius version of friendship might seem a little unconventional to others – he picked his friends after what use he could have of them, not because he liked them. In return for their skills he offered his money and good-will. Knowing someone like Lucius Malfoy came in handy in several aspects of life. Severus knew the only reason Lucius spend his sometimes unwelcome attention on him was because he was gifted and intelligent, thus he could be used to aid in Lucius schooling and other matters. Not that Lucius wasn't gifted, but he was still not as good as Severus, and he knew how to take advantage of someone else's brilliance. And how to reward it. So his attention wasn't totally unwelcome. Also Lucius often made clear t others that he thought higher of Severus then them and sometimes, Severus almost got the impression that Lucius might actually enjoy his company. Even though he was "just" a half-blood.

"So you are taking Narcissia, I assume?" Severus asked in a casual tone, only giving Lucius half his attention as he turned back to his reading.

"Oh but you assume wrong" Lucius replied, sipping a glass of read liquid that he'd made a younger student fetch for him.

"I do?" Severus asked, actually interested but not showing it other then casting a glace at the blonde.

"Yes you do, I thought my reply was clear enough?" Lucius answered with a bored tone "I don't much like to repeat myself. Really, Severus, have you already started to be infected by that dim-wittedness of the Gryffindores?"

"I thought maybe you would like to elaborate?" Severus continued, ignoring Lucius remark about Lily "I thought you and Narcissia was going out?"

"Ah, with that assumption you are correct" Lucius answered, watching the light play in his glass "But me and her _were_ going out. It is so no longer"

Severus didn't reply, he just waited for Lucius to continue, as he knew he would. He loved talking about himself.

"No, I have become quite bored with Narcissia" he continued with a slight sigh.

"She is a nice girl" Severus remarked.

"Yes she is" Lucius smiled "She is nice, and beautiful and pure, intelligent but not feisty. Which is exactly why she bores me. No, I asked a girl that is more… fun"

"So who are you taking?" Severus asked.

"Bellatrix"

"Her sister"

"I know, rather untactful of me isn't it?" Lucius smiled in a way that said he didn't think it was nothing but humours.

Again Severus said nothing, he knew Narcissia and knew she loved Lucius more then anything in this world, and he felt sorry for her. But then at the same time, contempt. She knew how Lucius was, she knew his manners. Why would she fall for such a man who would only hurt her? And then crawl back to his feet when it suited him? Making up excuses for his actions, like Severus stupid mother used to do. As Lucius turned his way and their eyes met, Severus must have shown some sign of contempt, probably at the thought of his mother, because Lucius smile faded and his eyes hardened.

"Oh, come on Severus" he said, in a silky voice that dripped with sarcasm "We can't all be as faithful and loyal as you, loving one woman and only her for all eternity, and I…"

"I do not love…" Severus started but Lucius cut him short.

"I do not appreciate being interrupted, Snape!" Lucius said, his tone hard all of a sudden. Severus knew better then to push Lucius when he was getting angry, one clear sign of that was that he started using his surname. He bowed his head slightly in an inaudible apology, breaking eye-contact. This seemed to calm Lucius, as the colour that had flashed into his face had once again been drained. Severus idly thought that handling him was like handling a vicious dog. Look away and expose your neck and he'll calm down, knowing that his position as the Alfa-male isn't being threatened. He smiled at the thought on the inside, he wasn't so stupid to let his emotions show on the outside.

"I know you are Narcissias friend as well, Severus" Lucius continued, obviously calmed by Severus silent sign of redemption "And she is a fine, pure girl. The kind you would like to marry"

He looked at Severus, again with a smile, searching for any sign of approval or disapproval. Of cause, the dark-haired man wouldn't let anything like that show.

"But?" he simply asked instead.

"But I'm not quite ready to marry jet" Lucius smiled, while finishing his drink "And in the meantime" he looked Severus straight in the face with a charming smile playing on his lips "I do like my fun"

Severus merely met his gaze, without showing any emotions, as always. This seemed to amuse Lucius, as his smile turned into a laugh as he got up from his chair.

"You know, you are a peculiar man, Severus" he said as he started to walk around the table "Interesting. So I have always thought"

He stationed himself right behind Severus. Leaning over the back of his chair he brought their faces close, so close in fact that Lucius long, blonde hair fell over his shoulders.

"You are so passionate, obsessed even. You let the things that you bring close to you completely devour you"

Severus had a hard time not flinching when Lucius pushed strains of black hair out of his face, his fingers lightly brushing the skin of his neck. He knew Lucius enjoyed making him uncomfortable, testing his boundaries. He was well aware that Severus didn't like to be touched, or have people so close to him.

"So you say it's not love, Severus, and I believe you" Lucius purred, still toying with his hair "I do not think you know how to love anything. Love is to loose control" he continued, and his face was even closer to Severus now, but he firmly started at a place in front of him and refused to turn to face Lucius "And if there is one thing you love in this world, Severus, that you can love, it is control"

"So do you, Lucius" Severus replied in his usual tone, not letting any of the discomfort he was feeling ring in his voice.

"I do" Lucius smiled, and he was now actually tracing his fingers down Severus neck "That is why, I think, I enjoy your company, my friend"

When he uttered the last words he was so close that Severus could feel his breath on him. He had to make a tremendous effort not to pull away our curl his hands into fists.

"And I must ask you" Lucius continued "Do you know how to dance?"

"Excuse me?" Severus was taken aback by the sudden change of subject.

"Well, for the ball of cause!" Lucius sighed, straightening himself up in his full height again, brushing his long, blonde hair over his shoulder.

"Yes, I know how" Severus replied, turning slightly to look at Lucius, who seemed to be done with tormenting him for the moment.

"Splendid, I was afraid I was going to have to teach you" the blonde answered absentmindedly, shooting a hard glance around the room, making the students that had stopped and looked as he had closed in on Severus hurriedly resume their daily activities.

"Snooping little bastards, aren't they?" he mused, then he once more turned to Severus, firing a cold smile at him "Well, I'll leave you to your studies for now"

Then he turned and walked away, an epiphany of black and blonde. Severus breathed in heavily, and wondered if he might not be loosing a little more control then he would like to.

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AUTHOURS NOTES; Ok I'm so NEVVAH going to write a conversation between Lucius and Severus again (not this long anyway)! That was hard! phew I would also like to point out that's it not my intention to turn this into a LM/SS-fic, I just think that Lucius enjoys control, and trying to make others loose theirs. I would like to write more about their "friendship" thought. As Severus concluded, Lucius (like Draco) picks his friends according to what use he can have of them. But I do think he likes Severus, just because he won't loose control, and he is an intellectual challenge. But I also think that, according to what I make of the book, Narcissia and Severus are actually closer then him and Lucius. More on that to come. Also, it is my impression that it was Lucius that introduced Severus to the Deatheaters, maybe that will come up to. OMG long chapter and long note. Sorry! Review if you don't hate me… and even if you do! 

Until next time!


	4. Afternoon star

"Afternoon, Lucius" a tall, handsome man with sun-dark skin and fiery eyes greeted as he sat down in an armchair next to Lucius.

"Afternoon Rodolphus" the blonde smiled "Finished Quidditch-practice already?"

"Yes, our new seeker is quite hopeless" Lestrange sighed, waiving his hand "Sure I can't convince you to join again? Your father was an excellent seeker"

Severus didn't even bother too look up. Rodolphus Lestrange was a pure-blood maniac and wouldn't acknowledge his existence if he so lit him on fire. Not that he minded, he preferred to be left to his reading.

"No, no" Lucius answered slowly "You know my ambitions lies elsewhere then in athletic achievements these days. In fact, I thought yours did as well?"

"I have time for both, for now at least" Rodolphus said and then added in a lower voice "But I don't think such things should be discussed now, considering the _present company_"

Severus was well aware that he was currently becoming the focus of the discussion, but he pretended not to listen. His ability of reading, writing notes and listening at the same time was well-toned by now.

"I have as much faith in Severus as I have in you, Rodolphus" Lucius responded in a silky voice "He is as honourable as you and I, heritage or not"

"Yes, don't mock him, Roddy" a husky voice giggled.

Bellatrix had moved up to the group without Severus noticing. Obviously, he needed even more training in multitasking.

"After all" she said, her tone dripping with poisonous sweetness "He has a very noble heritage! Your mother was the Captain of the Gobstones team, wasn't she?"

Rodolphus roared with laughter, and Bellatrix looked pleased with herself, as she settled herself next to a still smiling Lucius. Severus, however, seemed untouched by this discussion. His face was the same expressionless mask as always, and he continued with his work without a word, even though the mentioning of his mother made his blood boil.

"Do you see now why I think so highly of him, Rodolphus?" Lucius mused, when the laughter settled "Severus, unlike some, has dignity"

Bellatrix flinched and shot Severus a blazing look, which he again didn't seem to take notice of.

"Dignity?" she snorted "Why would anyone with any dignity be seen with that Gryffindor mud-blood?"

Bellatrix was a woman who enjoyed sweets, that Severus knew. It wouldn't be hard to sprinkle some Black Arga unto a box of chocolates. Let's see who had their dignity intact after that little episode played out its course.

"Well, some people have rather odd cravings" Lucius said and smiled at Bellatrix who was currently playing with his hair.

"And some are worse then others" Rodolphus mused.

A motion in the doorway caught Severus eye and he turned to find Narcissia standing in the entrance to the common-room, motioning for him to join her with a small movement of her hand.

"Oh?" Bellatrix had also seen her "Seems like my sister wants a word with you, Sevvy"

She smiled and waved at her. Narcissia didn't respond to her greeting.

"Sour-puss" Bellatrix muttered as Severus got up from his seat.

"Excuse me" he said and left the table.

Lucius looked after them as Severus met up with Narcissia and she led him away from the doorway, out in the hall.

"Does it not seem like those two are spending a lot more time together now days?" he asked Rodolphus, ignoring Bellatrix which was now lightly kissing his cheek.

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"You looked like you needed a change of company" Narcissia said as they walked away from the common-room.

"And here I pride myself on being so hard to read" Severus answered coolly, even though he was glad she had interrupted.

"As I see it, people can not stand my sister for long periods of time when she is in that mood" Narcissia responded, gracefully pushing a strain of golden hair out of her face.

"Well, no one but Lucius, that is" she added in a bitter tone.

"He will get bored with her eventually" Severus said. He wasn't trying to comfort her, he mainly told the truth, as he knew how Lucius acted.

"You think so?" Narcissia turned to him, a small sparkle brining life to her eyes.

Stupid girl, Severus thought. He never understood women's fascination whit men who were destined to hurt them. Why didn't they learn from others mistakes? Like that infernal Black, who was always surrounded by giggling girls one day, and weeping once the other.

"Has..." Narcissia tried to sound uncaring but didn't nearly succeed "Has he said anything?"

Severus sighed.

"He said your sister is not the kind of girl one would marry" he again answered truthfully.

Narcissia lit up as a Christmas tree, but then quickly regained her composure.

"And yet he's taking her to the ball" she said, stopping at a window, staring out into the dark winter sky.

And again with this obsession with this dance! Why was it so important to everyone? Severus felt an urge to ask her out loud, but he suppressed it. Instead, he stood silent, watching the stars light outside, one by one.

"It is true, you're taking Evans?" she asked quietly.

"I think more or less, Evans is taking me" he replied "Are you going to scold me about it, like everyone else?"

"No" she answered, turning her head to look at him "Though I do not agree with your taste, Severus, I won't mock your choices if you do not mock mine"

Like running after a man that discarded you like last seasons dress-robes, he thought.

Looking at the pale, thin girl, her golden-blonde hair and serious eyes, he thought how different she was from her sister. Lucius was a fool.

"I was just wondering, since I thought that otherwise, you might like to go with me" she said, turning away again. This actually surprised Severs.

"Honestly, has all the males in this castle come down with some horrible, contagious sickness seeing how I am so popular all of a sudden?" he exclaimed, leaning against the window-seal.

"You think too little of yourself, Severus" Narcissia said quietly, her eyes one again focusing on the constellations outside "There are others who, I am sure, would love to take me. But I would rather go with a friend, and those – by my count – are few"

"And none the less you are usually surrounded by men and women alike" Severus replied.

"And yet I drag you out into corridors in the dark to talk about my petty problems" she sighed, turning towards him "Many people seek my company, but there are few who's company I seek, Severus"

He was actually genuinely happy to be called her friend. He smiled lightly at her, and she gave a smile in return.

"I am sorry, Narcissia" he said.

"Don't be" she smiled "At least you will be there"

Silence again fell briefly between them, then Narcissia asked;

"What are you going to wear?"

* * *

**A/N**; Alright, so I have a lot of sympathy for Narcissia. Really. And I always thought that she and Severus was very close. I don't have much more to say for this chapter, othen than that I just now noticed that Rodolphus is actually a lot older then the rest of them, and shouldn't be in school at the same time. But now it's too late! Try to imagine it, though, if you can!

So the Yule Ball is coming up! I promise! **Review**, how else am I going to know what you think??

Until next time!


	5. Extra special bonus scene!

HIDDEN EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS SCENE! Woooooo!

* * *

"What on earth is this eye-sore?" Lucius picked up Severus used edition of _"Advanced Potion making, sixth year edition"_ with a look as if he had found a big, dead racoon in the common-room, and not a book.

"It is mine" Severus said, looking up from correcting Lucius homework.

"Sixth year?" Lucius rose an eye-brow at Severus "You are two years ahead of yourself, my friend"

"I got it cheep, so I planned ahead" Severus answered casually.

"Considering the state of the thing, you should have been paid to take it" Lucius said with a disgusted look "Someone has written in it"

"Yes, that would be me as well"

"Hm" Lucius made a small sign of acknowledgement "But what if, come sixth year, we will not be using this book?"

"Professor Slughorn has not changed his literature-list in ten years" Severus replied, again focusing on the piece of parchment before him "I will be very unlucky if he would do so in the coming two"

**

* * *

A/N;** So now there should be no more confusion about which year Severus is in, even though he owns the sixth year edition of Advanced Potion making. Coming up; the Yule Ball! 


	6. Time is

**A/N;** Lots of text in this chapter, for better or worse.

* * *

TIME IS ...

* * *

While the rest of the school was completely absorbed in the out-come of the Tri Wizard tournament, Severus couldn't have cared less (especially seeing how Hogwarts at the moment was in the bottom, something that Avery blamed on them having a Ravenclaw for a champion). Instead, he was completely absorbed in either dreading or longing for the day of the dance. One second the evening of the Yule ball closed in way to quickly for his liking and the other it seemed time dragged on into eternity. A part of him wanted the night never to come, while the other thought that it could not come swiftly enough.

He withstood the mockery and whispers of his fellow Slytherins with his usual emotionless composure. He didn't really care for their taunts, he was far too busy caring about how he would not make a fool of himself in front of Lily.

Yet he told himself he was a fool to worry. He and Lily were friends. They had spent countless hours together. They had played as children, he had stayed at her house and they had endured boring history-assignments together. They knew each other. This was no different then any other experience they had shared.

Nevertheless something told him this was different. This was a _dance_. Not that he knew what was so bloody special about the event, but it was different.

It didn't help that Lucius pointed out that Severus looked paler by the hour, and if some colour didn't return soon, he would end up transparent. Severus had problems with concentrating on his (and Lucius) assignments, something that Lucius wrongfully thought came from the fact that half the students in the common-room would throw nasty drawings at him every time he tried to study there. Always the vigilante, Lucius put a stop to this with one dangerous, whispered conversation with the ring-leader and artist of the drawings. After that, Severus only needed to worry about the mockery of Bellatrix, Avery, Lestrange and the like, over whom Lucius had limited influence. As it turned out, the continuing failure of their Ravenclaw champion became his salvation, as it gave the Slytherins students a new target of ridicule and he was more or less forgotten about.

* * *

He and Lily hadn't gotten much time to talk either since that evening in the library, seeing how they both were swamped with homework (Severus with both Lucius and his own) and Lily attended every tournament event, giving her very little free time. They hadn't been able to sit together during Potions either, because Lucius had snatched Severus up and placed him next to himself, trusting Severus to aid him in the making of the more difficult brews. They had only had time for a quick exchange of words going on and out of class, and usually those were interrupted by the unintelligent remarks of Potter and his gang of loyal followers.

"I found the best dress!" Lily exclaimed happily, running up to Severus as they made their way out of professor Slughorns class. "It might not be new, I got it at a second-hand store, but with a few changes it'll be perfect! Mary said she'll help me, I'm no good with sewing, magic or not and…"

"No matter how beautiful you will look, Evans" Potter smiled, as he strode up next to her "Going with Snivelus will completely spoil it. You have to know how to accessorise. So why not ditch the greasy creep and go with a real man?"

"Why not ditch the attitude and become a real person?" Lily snapped back.

"Oh come on Lill! We'd be such a beautiful couple!" James smiled, completely ignoring Severus.

"Yeah!" Pettigrew agreed in excitement "Instead of making an ugly couple with Severus… I mean Snivelus!"

"Shut your cake-hole, you moron!" Black smacked Pettigrew over the head.

"What now, Potter, no date?" Severus smiled coldly "Did Black refuse your invitation, or do you have problems deciding which one of you would be wearing the dress?"

Both Sirius and James drew their wands, and Severus mimicked their movement.

"Ah, there is that famous Gryffindor courage again" he smiled "Two against one. Should we perhaps wait for Lupin as well, seeing how Pettigrew hardly can be counted as a person?"

"I can take you down anytime with one hand behind my back, you ugly misfit!" Sirius growled.

"Stop it!" Lily yelled, anger flushing her cheeks "Sev, he's not worth it, and you two" she turned her flaring green eyes to Sirius and James "are complete and utter idiots! Just leave us alone already!"

Severus lowered his wand and smiled coldly at James, who looked like he was struggling with his emotions.

Lily grabbed Severus by the sleeve and dragged him off in a paced hurried by her anger. As they turned the corner of an empty hallway, she swung around and faced him, fury still sparkling in her eyes as she nailed him with them.

"You listen to me Severus Snape" she said and pointed a finger at him "You will NOT ruin this dance by fighting with those guys! I want you to promise me!"

"They started it" Severus responded, a little angered at her for accusing him.

"Of cause they started it!" she exclaimed "They are self-absorbed, immature idiots! You, on the other hand, are not! So promise me!" she took a deep breath and seemed to calm herself "Promise me you won't fight with them? Please, Sev? I really want us to have a good time!"

That was all he wanted as well! And if letting Potter drop him out of a window, or turning him into a bat would make Lily happy he would not resist.

"I promise" he said, thinking he might regret it later on.

"Thanks Sev" she smiled warmly.

"You are late for Transfiguration" he pointed out.

"Oh, by Merlin, not again!" she yelled and ran off down the hallway, shouting "Se you later!" back at him.

* * *

And so, for better or worse, the evening of the Yule Ball had come.

* * *

Severus had allowed Lucius to put some odd-smelling mixture into his hair, and it seemed to have worked.

"It is hardly perfect" Lucius pointed out as he inspected the result "But at least it's clean"

Severus sat with his face in his palms on top of Lucius trunk, wearing his old but hardly even worn dress-robes. They were black with a silver and green trim and actually fitted Severus pretty well after Lucius had taken the fabric in a bit in the back.

"I think we should put your hair up, thought" Lucius continued, lifting Severus face up with the tip of the elegant walking-cane that came with his new outfit. He was an epiphany in black and silver, as stunning as always. Severus wanted to die. Right there. He couldn't think off any other way of getting out of this. Dying seemed the most effective.

"Oh come on!" Lucius snorted at Severus defeated look "It's only Evans!"

"Yes, you are right" Severus mumbled "It's only Evans"

_Oh by Merlin it's Lily Evans…_

He stood and allowed Lucius to bind his hair in his neck, although he left some strains loose, to frame Severus face.

"Pulling it all back merely makes your nose look even bigger" he muttered.

Severus had to clear his throat twice before being able to thank Lucius for his help.

* * *

Lucius and Bellatrix, wearing black and heavy make-up around her eyes, had already entered the ball-room, leaving Severus alone in the Hall waiting with his rapidly beating heart. Narcissia strode by him, on the arm of a tall, dark-haired Durmstrang-boy. She had a simple, but elegant mid-night blue dress and small sliver-bells in her golden hair. She smiled slightly at Severus as she passed. He couldn't find the energy to smile back. Several other students moved around him, but he didn't notice them. He was completely absorbed in trying to find that familiar red hair in the crowd. So absorbed, in fact that he didn't notice her. Lily came up behind him and tugged at his sleeve.

He abruptly swung around, facing her, and all his nervousness seemed to vanish at the sight of her face. She wore a sleeveless forest-green dress that sparkled with small gold-glittering decorative stones. A silky, golden ribbon outlined her waist. Her hair was let out over her bare shoulders, but it seemed thin, golden strains had made their way into her fiery, red mane. She was absolutely radiant, smiling up at him.

"Oh my goddesses" she was the first one to speak "You look so handsome! I love your hair that way!"

She reached up and quickly touched the hair in the back of his neck.

"How do you like my dress?" she asked, a little flushed "I like didn't get all the stones in the right place, and the trim is kind of like not entirely finished, I ran out of time and Mary had so much to do with her own…"

"You look absolutely beautiful!" Severus said sincerely.

She smiled again and gave him a quick hug.

"We have to hurry if we don't want to be the last couple in!" Lily noted.

Severus offered her his arm and they entered the Great Hall together, side by side.

* * *

**A/N;** I got nothing to report, other than the fact that the next chapter of this story is nearly finished. After that one, I'm not sure I'm going to write anymore on this particualr story. This was acctually supposed to be a one-shot (just the first chapter) but it just kept going. Funny how things turn out! 


	7. Endless with you

* * *

...ENDLESS WITH YOU

* * *

Lily would never have forced Severus to dance, so she didn't say anything about it. She knew he wasn't much for public gatherings, and she though he would never in his life dance in front of so many people. But when the first piece started to play, he rose from his seat at their table, gave a perfect bow and asked if she wanted to dance. She happily accepted.

Not only did he in fact dance in front of the entire school, Lily noticed, but he danced extremely well. His movements were precise and accurate, and he seemingly effortlessly guided her over the floor in pace with the music. She looked up at him in genuine astonishment.

"What now, Miss Evans?" he asked, as his dark eyes met hers.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" she laughed "You're like…a piñata or something!"

"I am like a what?" he asked, as they floated around the room to Professor Filtwicks orchestra.

"It's kind of like a animal-shaped thing, that you hang from a tree and then whack with a stick and when it breaks, candy fall out!"

Severus gave her a strange look and Lily laughed happily.

* * *

Sirius approached him as he ventured off to get Lily something to drink.

"Enjoying ourselves, are we Snape?" Sirius spit out his name like an insult.

"Yes, actually" Severus replied accepting two glasses of butter-beer from a house-elf "Thank you for your concern, Black"

"Yeah well don't think that just because… HEY!"

Severus had turned and started to walk away in mid sentence, but he swung around to face Sirius again.

"I fully agree with whatever logical, intellectual and witty comment I am sure you are about to make, Black" he said in a conversational tone "Unfortunately, I do not have time to hear it. Perhaps some other time"

And then he turned and walked across the room to where Lily was sitting, chatting with her friend Mary. She smiled at Severus as he gave her the glass.

"I saw" she said "I'm so proud of you"

Mary gave away a displeased sound, but Severus didn't care. He just smiled back at Lily.

* * *

"Would you mind if I danced for a while with Narcissia?" Severus asked Lily quietly as they sat at a bench by the window, together with Mary and her rather uncomfortable-looking date.

"What? No, sure, go ahead!" Lily answered, looking slightly taken aback "Just save me one, alright?" she added as he rose from his seat. He smiled down at her.

"I will always have one dance saved for you" he said, and Mary again made that annoying sound, but neither Severus, nor Lily seemed to care.

* * *

Severus found Narcissia sitting at a table in the far-end of the Great Hall, pretending to listen to a conversation the other girls around the table were deeply involved in. It seemed to regard someones hideous dress. Her face lit up as he approached her. He gave a slight bow.

"May I have this dance, Miss Black?" he asked.

"Of cause you may, Mr. Snape" she answered, gracefully reaching out her hand towards him.

She gave a slight sigh as he led her away from the table, unto the dance-floor.

"Thank you" she said, as he placed a hand on her waist and they started to move together with the music "I do not know who much more of that I could endure. We have a thing for rescuing each other, you and I"

Severus didn't answer. She hadn't expected him to. She lost herself in the music and movement. Severus was an excellent dancer, she should know. After all, she was the one who taught him, many years ago. As in everything else, he was a perfectionist, and wouldn't stop until he knew every movement perfectly. They made a good couple on the dance-floor. Both smooth and precise with every step and movement. Narcissia responded easily to Severus gentle guiding, he didn't need to push her or turn her. Several eyes actually turned to watch them, one pair icy grey.

"Is he still sitting with Bella?" Narcissia asked softly as they spun around to the music.

Severus looked over her shoulder to the corner where the Slytherins had gathered around several tables. Lucius was sitting in the middle, the centre of attention as always, but he did cast glances at the dance-floor now and then.

"Yes" Severus answered, seeing Bellatrix basically sitting in Lucius lap.

Narcissia sighted.

"Listen" he said, looking into her sad eyes "You are everything your sister is not"

"Which would be boring, grey and silent" Narcissia mused in a low voice.

"Which would be graceful, intelligent and beautiful" Severus snapped "Lucius will come around to realize that, the question is if you can come around to realize that he does not deserve those qualities"

"What are you saying, Severus?" her tone wasn't hostile.

"That you should find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not what you are" he answered.

"Perhaps that would be the logical thing to do" she said solemnly, looking into his eyes "But we can not control where our hearts lay, no matter what pain we know they might bring us, can we, Severus?"

"No, we can't" he answered, after a moments thought.

She gave a small laugh.

"You and I, we are both very boring, are we not?" she mused "And therefore we find our lives, our light, in the eyes and hearts of others"

The song died down and they stood together for a moment in understanding. Narcissia gave Severus a sad smile, and he returned it.

"Go back to your light, Severus" she said "While I work on retrieving mine"

They parted ways on the dance-floor, Severus heading back to where Lily was deeply involved in a discussion with Mary. When he sat down next to her, Lily turned to him and her smile was replaced by a worried frown.

"Sev, is everything alright?" she asked, reaching up to lightly touch his face "You look… bothered"

"I am fine, I assure you" he smiled slightly "Do you still want that dance?"

She laughed and dragged him back unto the dance-floor.

_For now, I am perfectly fine. _

* * *

The melody died down and they stopped mowing around the room.

"Look" Lily said, pointing to something over their heads "Mistletoe"

"Ah yes" Severus said, tilting his head "I never understood why people would hang them up as signs of love during Christmas, seeing how they are quite poisonous"

He snapped his head back to Lily, as he heard her giggling.

"You're such a romantic" she smiled.

"What? They are. In fact, they are a vital ingredient in several less pleasurable potions, and their berries are a crucial reactor-ingredient in the Septala serum which…"

He was brutally cut of as Lily placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed herself up on her toes and kissed his lips. It was just a light, quick kiss before she sank back on her feet, smiling up at him.

"Thank you for a lovely evening, Severus" she smiled, still with her hands on his shoulders.

"Um, yes… you as well" he replied, realizing it made no sense.

She laughed warmly and embraced him. He hugged her back and begged every god that might be listening to not let this moment pass. But it did, all too quickly. Lily let go, gave a big yawn and said good-night. It was terribly late. Severus watched her as she left, before he headed for the Slytherin common-room, with his lips still tingling where she had kissed him.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, soo this is kind of where all the "happy" comes to an end (Oh, come on, you KNEW it would come to this). During the time I wrote this story, I started writing one-shots and stuff like that for other parts of Sev and Lilys livesm which I couldn't post because they didn't fit the story. I'm going to leave this story here, and maybe update it if I write some more "happy" things that occur, but the story breaks of into a new one as the fifth year comes along. The plan is to name that story "When the words die down - the rest of your life remains", it's going to be alot more angsty! So keep a look-out for it if you like that stuff!

Untill next time!

WHEN THE WORDS DIED DOWN the rest of your life remains


End file.
